Shannon attempts to auction off the rotting junk in front of her house.

Boy do I have an offer for you.

Andy offered (sort of) to break down the junk in front of our house and dump it in the dumpster at the school he works at. That’s a good solution.

So is the burning idea (my favorite quote from that posts’ comments was “everything burns if you do it right.” Josh you are a scary, scary firebug. You too Kat.)

But better than both of those solutions combined would be if I AUCTIONED OFF the furniture and knickknacks that are sitting out there. The proceeds would all go to me, Mwhahaha!!! a deserving charity of course.

So my primary item up for auction is, of course, the rotting desk corpse on our front court:

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As you can see item 1 is a gorgeous low quality student’s desk with aproximatly 4 draws and a deep brown faux wood finish. Simply stunning.

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Pretty much all the pieces are included with the desk, including some of the original screws. This one is definitely a collectors item.

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The owner has also generously offered to include two crates of empty beer bottles with the purchase of this desk.

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These beer bottles are also in excellent condition. (Also: GIANT. Like twice the size of normal beer bottles.)

So go on and take a bid on the collectors item of the century!

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Just to sweeten the deal a little (like it needs it!) I will throw in this intricately crafted TV antenna to the first bidder who contacts me. FOR FREE.

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This package is such a good deal I expect to be inundated with offers almost immediately. I have a few terms and conditions for this great pile of rotting junk:

  • Bidders are solely responsible for collecting their items from my front court.
  • I don’t (or refuse to) understand sarcasm. All offers will be considered as real binding contracts. I’ll probably cry if you don’t front up with actual money.
  • The charity I have in mind might be my very own made up one…
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18 thoughts on “Shannon attempts to auction off the rotting junk in front of her house.

  1. Ive turned my mind to your dilemma, and have some recommendations.
    1) Kick (roundhouse) the desk to smithereens then shove it in a Welly council rubbish bag;
    3) Come chuck it in the empty lot in front of my place – the soggy mattress and random furniture tht are hanging out in the lot could do with some company;
    4) Tell the landlord you will tidy up the section if she gets a skip (thats what I did, and it worked);
    d) Do nothing, move out when the lease expires, but only ensuring there is plenty of momentos left for her to remember you by (this option might mean you dont get your bond back).

  2. Ben, erm, well technically these aren’t mine. They’re the guys… But I thought I’d throw them in.

    Becks: yeah they’re rotting, but not that soft yet, so I’d roundhouse my foot to death. And I wouldn’t leave them here because our landlord doesn’t like us enough to need mementos. Plus she’d get them removed and charge it to us out of bond.

    Wendy, you totally can. Remember that postage is all on you though.. and I’m not sure how to get giant beer bottles in tact to you. Not to mention the TV antenna you’ll be receiving FREE! Wo!

    Jayne, duh. Like who could resist a pile of rotting junk as special as this one.

  3. I’d love to help you out, but I’m afraid even if I put in a competitive bid, the shipping from New Zealand to the US or the travel expenses to get myself there would be a bit prohibitive. Not that I wouldn’t mind a trip to New Zealand. In fact, if you through that into the mix, I’ll happily take all of that off your hands. 😛

  4. Love it, brilliant! BUT if the 50c bid doesnt work out on the Swapa crates, then walk them down to the Mill and they will give you some money for them 😀

    I already have 2 useless desks here, but if you like you could add one of them, a couch, a double bed, a crapy bike, a turntable WITHOUT speakers, a big random wooden board, a gas bottle, and a petrol container to the charity 😛 These items will be on trademe shortly, sure to make us millions

  5. Why is everyone cool with abandoning their used furniture all over the place! Geze, have a little responsibility and creativity people, the street is not your junk yard.

    You should put it in a big pile and set fire to it instead. 😛 Or alternatively scam unknowing people into giving you money for a false charity in order to offload your rotting desk corpse. 😀

    What would you all do without me huh?!

  6. I’ve been telling you since the beginning, all of you-Guy Fawke’s bonfire is the key to success!!

  7. that is quite a tantalizing write up… unfortunately i have plenty of useless furniture already (although luckily no shitty landlords to harass me about it). what’s a skip?

  8. Though I’d love to relieve you of your garbage, alas, I fear it would be a money losing endeavour to come and get them myself all the way from up here in the Great White North. Good luck Shannon.

  9. Alice – a skip is a big bin that you can get dropped of, fill it with all your crap, and then they take it away again. No idea where the name skip came from. Anyone?

  10. Well the guy who invented the skip bin was called Angus McRuhan. Angus had Immigrated from Scotland with te dream of creating the worlds biggest rubbish bin.

    While living in Australia the McRuhan family acquired a dog. As a joke they called the dog Skippy, because it was forever trying to hump the legs of the kangaroos that hung around their house. The dog had even succeeded a time or two, leaving them with weird dog/kangaroo hybrids that they called Doroos.

    The day Angus turned out his very first bin was a windy one. As they were lifting it from the workshop to the front of the house Angus accidentally stood on Skippy. As Angus was a 300kg whale of a man Skippy died instantly.

    From that day on they agreed to call the bins Skippy’s, or Skips, rather than their original idea of Angus-McTips.

  11. Have you ever considered getting into writing and publishing? You have the BEST stories 😀

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