You should learn how to dive because:
a) It’s fun.
b) Your doctor thinks you should.
Answer: Well if you have Shannon’s doctor then the answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE. You see humans were born with feet, so why in gods name would we want to strap a cylinder of air on our backs and get wet? According to Shannon’s doctor even swimming is a bit iffy, so she doesn’t recommend that either.
The most important rule in scuba diving is to:
a) Ensure that all pieces of your equipment are colour co-ordinated.
b) Never hold your breath.
c) Never dive without a buddy.
Answer: B, never hold your breath – although colour co-ordination is pretty up there on my priority list too, and diving without a buddy would imply a certain lack of intelligence.
Thermocline, what say you?
a) All for it. It’s that fancy-schmancy layer of foam in my dry suit that keeps me warm.
b) Its a sudden change in temperature as you travel deeper in the water.
Answer: Totally b. It’s like a sudden layer of colder water as you go deeper – and the change can be especially abrupt if you’re in fresh water. Divers manage it by planning for the temperature at the bottom of their decent – hypothermia is no joke. Except, of course, when you tell a joke about hypothermia. Then it’s a joke.
Upwelling is a pretty scary word. It means that theres a slow moving current caused by offshore winds pushing surface water away from the shore. Would you dive?
a) Hell yes, the surface water moving away pulls up clearer, colder, water from under the surface.
b) Hell no – I value life.
Answer: A – you can still value life while diving in clear cold water. Upwelling can create excellent diving conditions.