Help Shannon memorise key facts for Scuba Diving.

You should learn how to dive because:

a) It’s fun.

b) Your doctor thinks you should.

Answer: Well if you have Shannon’s doctor then the answer is NONE OF THE ABOVE. You see humans were born with feet, so why in gods name would we want to strap a cylinder of air on our backs and get wet? According to Shannon’s doctor even swimming is a bit iffy, so she doesn’t recommend that either.

The most important rule in scuba diving is to:

a) Ensure that all pieces of your equipment are colour co-ordinated.

b) Never hold your breath.

c) Never dive without a buddy.

Answer: B, never hold your breath – although colour co-ordination is pretty up there on my priority list too, and diving without a buddy would imply a certain lack of intelligence.

Thermocline, what say you?

a) All for it. It’s that fancy-schmancy layer of foam in my dry suit that keeps me warm.

b) Its a sudden change in temperature as you travel deeper in the water.

Answer: Totally b. It’s like a sudden layer of colder water as you go deeper – and the change can be especially abrupt if you’re in fresh water. Divers manage it by planning for the temperature at the bottom of their decent – hypothermia is no joke. Except, of course, when you tell a joke about hypothermia. Then it’s a joke.

Upwelling is a pretty scary word. It means that theres a slow moving current caused by offshore winds pushing surface water away from the shore. Would you dive?

a) Hell yes, the surface water moving away pulls up clearer, colder, water from under the surface.

b) Hell no – I value life.

Answer: A – you can still value life while diving in clear cold water. Upwelling can create excellent diving conditions.

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7 thoughts on “Help Shannon memorise key facts for Scuba Diving.

  1. I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you.

    Jennifer Lancey

  2. Answer 1: I always thought SCUBA diving was so that people could go on Indiana Jones’ style to find treasure. Everyone loves treasure!

    Answer 2: I’m going with choice A. What good is checking people’s arses out in the water if I can’t appreciate the colour their wearing?

    Answer 3: The incline-feeling to take your temperature? Up the arse?

    Answer 4: “Upwelling” sounds like swelling in the head.

  3. Wait, your doctor doesn’t approve of swimming? I don’t get it. Swimming is supposed to be really good for you, all low-impact exercise and joint-loosening and whatnot.

  4. after reading this I realized that you’re kind of my “vicarious sea-heroine” type-chick, in the sense that all of that scuba stuff you described made me afraid, and also re-inforced that I am a land-dweller through-and-through, who is much more put at ease by the idea of solid-rock, trees ‘n shit, lotsa walking, and some delicious granola bars 😉

    I admire you, really 🙂

  5. Man, I would fail as a SCUBA diver.

    You know, all you need is a pen that shoots darts and, combined with your kickboxing and Taekwondo, you could become a secret agent or something.

  6. Jennifer Lancey: Thanks! Hope I don’t dissapoint too much!

    Romi: Ha, cool. I’ve always wanted to be a heroine! And for the record, I’ve turned a whole heap of friends onto your blog because you’re my ‘vicarious crazy funny girl writer’ type-chick (one of my work collegues thought your speed date in the hardware store was the best thing since sliced bread.)

    thedesktop: Actually it’s my back up career for if (when…) I fail at being a circus performer.

  7. What??? I can’t believe that you’ve turned people to my blog, and I’ve never been anyone’s vicarious-anything…I’m flattered, thanks! 🙂

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