I figure the way the world is going these days, eventually we’re all going to have to retreat underground into bunkers to survive in earths hostile atmosphere.
If you’re going to spend the rest of your life stuck in a bunker with a small group of people for the rest of your natural life, time is going to pass slowly. With all that slow time on your hands you’re going to want to know all the annoying things you’re going to have to put up with before you send out your invitations to the bunker party.
I thought I’d make it easier for any potential bunker mates by posting a list of things you’re going to want to know about me before we’re both stuck underground with no chance of escape.
I consider pizza a breakfast food.
In my books, pizza is acceptable at any time of the day or night. Scrambled eggs are never acceptable. Toast is only acceptable in the mornings with plain marg, or baked beans, or eggs. Spreads are only allowed after 10am. Either way I consider toast a very poor breakfast. Cereal comes in and out of fashion with me, currently in fashion is rice bubbles. Weetbix is never in fashion, but I will eat a bowl of them after 3pm some afternoons, just for kicks.
I know it seems like a little thing right now, but you know 5 years into bunker life my unusual food rules are going to be annoying the living crap out of you – not to mention playing havoc with our food rations.
I sometimes don’t shower right after I work out.
That’s right. Sometimes I get home sweaty, and smelly, and sore, and I just can’t be bothered wrestling myself out of my running bra to shower. Instead I watch TV, or clean my room, or begin a puzzle I have no intention of finishing. In short? I procrastinate.
I know it’s gross, and I know it’s going to annoy the heck out of you, but I’m not changing it, so you’re going to have to either live with it or choose another bunker buddy.
And while we’re on working out?
You’re going to want to ensure I get a good workout between three to six days a week – otherwise I’m going to become irritable, snappy, and kicky. I’m pleasant like that.
I hate doing my washing.
I leave my washing till the last possible moment. And when say last possible moment I really do mean it. If I didn’t have to show up at work Monday to Friday I wouldn’t put a load on until I was down to my 5 year old, two sizes too small board shorts, and my fake fur ‘vintage’ wrap, with a pair of thigh high stripper socks.
Why this is going to annoy you? Well, sure, it’s my problem that I haven’t done laundry, but you can bet that I’ll be making it your problem by spending the majority of my bunker time whining about it and my lack of clothes.
I’m very good at whining.
I am difficult to live with when if comes to housework.
Sometimes when I’m stressed I get angry about not having a clean house. Other times when I’m stressed I don’t care. Can you guess which time will be which mood? Because not even I can guess which way my moods are going to swing…
This is going to bother the living hell out of you because I can be annoying about being annoyed.
The best bit? I’ll never just tell you outright that you’re annoying me and why. I’ll get all passive aggressive on your arse, and I’ll drop hints as to why I’m annoyed. Unfortunately these hints are never going to give you enough information to figure out what is bothering me, and what you can do to stop me from being annoying.
And while we’re on how difficult I am to live with?
Colds and sickness make me twice as fun to share breathing space with.
Have you heard of the man cold? I’ll bet you thought it was a phenomenon observed only in males! Nope I also tend to contract these awful sicknesses. Adding to the fun: I’m not content to languish in my room while I’m feeling sick, mucus filled, and unpleasant. I’d much rather be hanging all over you in the communal living area, whining about how awful I feel.
So keep me in mind as a future bunker buddy, and make sure you are ready to make an informed and sensible decision when the time comes.
And just while we’re being honest here, do you have anything you’d like me to take into account when I’m selecting a bunker buddy? Any annoying habits you’d like to make me aware of? Now is the time, comment away.