Today I spent lunch down on the waterfront with Kat, Becks, Jeri and Maike.

Usually when we all get together it’s fun and we laugh a lot, and bitch about boys and relationships, and talk about punching things. Our meetings make me feel powerful, capable, and happy. 

When it’s time to go I leave with a sense of direction and a cool ball of calm lodged just under my rib cage. Not many people give me calm. I value the ones that do highly.

We were all there on the waterfront today for Kat – one of the very few people that I actually hero worship.

Over three years ago now she introduced me to kickboxing and changed pretty much my entire outlook on life. To everyone else she’s the person who taught me how to throw a nice punch, to me she’s the person who taught me that I can be badass.

Kat can make me do things I never would have thought about trying without her influence. Like the time I did two boxing classes in a row for her. Or the time she convinced me to try scuba diving.

She’s the first person I think of when I need courage, or no nonsense ‘get your butt into gear’ advice. And I have a feeling I’m going to be needing that sort of advice quite a bit in the next few months.

All in all she’s one of my favorite people, and even though she’s younger than me I look up to her like the totally badass big sister I’ve come to see her as.

Today’s get together on the waterfront wasn’t about boys or laughing about crap, or punching things.

It was because Kat is going to Rarotonga for a long time. She’s planning on doing her diving instructors exams while working in one of the dive shops over there. We were all there to say goodbye to Kat, and to try and keep our collective raging jealousy under control.

When I left I didn’t have a sense of purpose, and I sure as fuck didn’t have a nice cool ball of calm under my ribs. Instead I have a messy ball of weepy sad GIRL.

I haven’t lost it and actually cried yet, but it’s probably not far away. In fact at 1.15pm tomorrow I’m going to be standing with my hands pressed to my office window watching Wellington airport and blubbering like a big baby.

It’s hard to be badass when you’re sad.


Kat: Have an awesome time, but not too awesome, because we all want you back.


10 thoughts on “Sad.

  1. It’s so funny how that works out, because I sort of come HERE for bad-ass/awesome-chick inspiration, since YOU do so many things that I’ve never done/am afraid of (i.e. scuba-diving being a big one!!)…in other words, you can be a big ball of sad if need be, but don’t under-estimate the bad-assness/courage that’s a permanent part of you! 😉

    And that concludes today’s cheesy message, hahaha 😉

  2. Cheer up Shan! Think of it as an excuse to save up and go on holiday to Raro…

    I am sure that even though she wont be across town, she will still influence you bad-ass motivation from the other side of the world. Just imagine her jumping on a plane and coming just to kick your arse into doing something… and if that doesnt do it then imagine she charged the flight back to you if you dont go and do it!

  3. I think of Kat as my bad-ass sister as well. Albeit a little sister. A tall little sister. *sigh* I am sad too. have been sifting about the office trying not to cry.

  4. Romi: Aw! I think I needed a cheesy message today. Of course I’m weeping again, but hey, we can’t all be badass all the time.

    Adey: Yeah it doesn’t matter that she’s in another country, I’ll still be doing extra push ups for her.

    Becks: *Sniff* I know right! I think it’s that whole ‘well we’ve looked our absolute worst together, and that’s a bond closer than family sometimes thing’

  5. Shan: WAAAAHHHH!!! If you promise not to tell anyone, I just cried. Like tears. Of water, and not steel. I’m going to miss you so so much!! BUT, like Adey said, I’ve moved into your head, and I’m DAMN sure not moving out any time soon!! So never ever forget that I just unleashed the badass, it was simmering there all along, and you better believe that you can do anything you want, cause I will come back and kick your ass if you don’t =) LOVE YOU!!!

  6. aw man. suckage. well… not for kat, that sounds FANTASTICALLY AWESOME. i don’t even know where rarotonga is (although i do now know i like to say it out loud) and i’m jealous of her.

  7. Kat: I promise not to tell anyone you cried – it’s not like I’d publish it on the internet… right?
    And opps on the insructors exams! I changed it.
    *sniff* love you too, have an awesome time 🙂

    Alice: I know right! Think tropical island surrounded by clear water and much fun sealife. Then think about mumu’s, hawaian shirts, bikinis, jandals, pineapples, and alcoholic drinks served in coconuts with sparklers and paper umbrellas.

    That’s where Rarotonga is. It’s the place with the coconut cocktails.

  8. Me too – although if she gets caugt with a pineapple in her luggage she’ll be in a lot of trouble with customs.

    I hope she packed a pineapple disguised as a laptop.

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