The important thing is that I’m sorry, and I won’t do it again.

The following is the story of how I made Thai fish cakes today – and you know it’s going to end in disaster because I am crap in the kitchen. For example: the time I set lamb chops on fire. Louise had to step in and dump flour on the flames. 

So anyway. Thai fish cakes. 

I had found a recipe on the net, that basically said to put the following in a blender:

500g fresh fish
1 teaspoon fresh chilli 
1 tablespoon fish sauce
3 teaspoons red curry paste
1/2 cup coriander
1/2 cup fresh spinach 
1 egg 
3 tablespoons cornflour

Then when that’s all nice and paste-like you cut up 10 green beans and some spring onion, then mix it all up and fry it in little patties. 

Yum right? It sounded pretty easy and awesome, plus the fish thing was a big seller, because according to my cholesterol screening I need to eat more good fats (like seeds, nuts, olive oil, fish and avocado.) 

Today after the gym I was all in the mood for a little experimental cooking. I grabbed my fish, and rather than wasting time cutting it up I threw it and the other ingredients into a big bowl. Then I dug out our hand held stick blender, and tried to hand blend the bowl full of raw fish. 

Raw fish is a lot tougher than I had anticipated, but I was going great right up until the blender began to get hot. Then there was a bit of smoke and I figured that perhaps I should give the stick blender a wee break.

I unplugged it and sat it on the bench, checking it every few minutes only to find it was actually getting hotter. So I moved it away from our tea towels and closer to the sink. That way if it suddenly blew up the tap would be right there, and I would be well away from the flames on the other side of the kitchen, clutching a tea towel to my chest.  

Deciding that the stick blender probably wasn’t going to explode (probably) I dug out the proper blender from the back of the pantry. 

I dumped my half blended fish paste into the bowl and turned it on. Despite being bigger, our bowl blender actually probably isn’t made for thick fish paste either because within seconds it was smoking too. 

I unplugged it and spooned out my fish stuff. It was pretty much done, so I figured that I should just fry it as-is… Considering we only own the two blenders and no actual food processor. 

I washed both blenders – the stick one was finally cooling off, so I was 99% sure it wouldn’t blow up and remove my hand – and then stashed them both at the back of the pantry. I’m not sure either of them works anymore because smoke is usually indicative of some pretty serious internal issues.

Also? I’m sorry but I’m not going to plug them in to find out whether they still work. I’m highly suspicious of kitchen appliances. I keep imagining getting my hand blown off by an angry blender.

I think I’ve pissed both flatmates off enough this week though, so I’m not going to tell them about today’s cooking experiment. I’m just going to avoid the subject while quietly going about replacing both items.  

Yes I am an idiot. Also a complete disaster in the kitchen. You heard it here first. 

(Oh and the fish cakes were yummy, but surprisingly frittata-like, and I don’t like frittata, so I have a whole lot of fish cakes that I’m unlikely to actually eat.)

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