I’m going to brag a little today. I’ve managed to wrangle my sleeping habits back into some sense of normalcy.
I’m bragging because it took a supreme act of willpower to do it. I’m naturally a night owl. My brain is generally at its most creative, and active after 8pm at night.
When I’m not feeling so awesome I have great difficulty turning that activity off. I spend hours reading, surfing the internet, and watching TV into the night. (Which actually doesn’t help me sleep, instead it wakes me up further.)
It took me two months to get back into a solid set sleeping schedule. I’m in bed at 11, and I have my computer and lights turned off by 12. It sounds simple, but, trust me, this has taken years to perfect. I’ve NEVER in my entire adult life, had a proper sleeping schedule.
Some nights I still can’t turn off the worrying, the thinking, and the strategizing my brain does, until well into the early morning but that’s ok. I leave my curtains open most nights, and when I can’t sleep I stare out into the night, at one of the many large apartment buildings full of insomniac city-dwellers, and tell myself stories about what they’re doing up at 1 o’clock in the morning on a Tuesday.
I’m having to do that less and less though, as my schedule takes better hold.
Schedules are important. I’m naturally, happily, an organised person. When I hit a depressive slump my life gets chaotic. My room disintegrates into a pigsty. My desk at work becomes a minefield, covered in three-month old post-it notes and abandoned filing systems. My sense of schedule and timekeeping goes flying merrily out the window.
Finding order is helping me, in no small part, recover myself.
Mornings are still hard. It doesn’t matter how much sleep I get, I will never be a morning person. I’m pretty sure everyone I’ve ever lived with, or dated has come to that realisation.
My mornings are getting easier though. I still have a minor tendency to scowl, and send out unintentional ‘you die now’ glares, but I’m usually awake sometime after 7. More importantly, I’m usually out of bed around 8.
Unfortunately I’m not exactly pretty, or coherent, at 8am in the morning, but we don’t want to be asking too much now, do we! Besides, sudden sparkly smiles make my flat-mates nervous around me in the mornings.