I was totally just stood-up for a work meeting. The dude emailed at 10.00, to say ‘oh, actually, I know you totally had to come in on your day off to meet me, and I know you had to reschedule a study-date, but actually, I’m going to be really inconsiderate, and tell you that I can’t be at our meeting… which starts… uh, now, like, in less than a minutes time. Huh. Whoops!’
Inconsiderate asshat. Could he not have emailed me a week ago, when he realised he was going to be in a conference all day?? Hm?
In other news I had a coffee date with a tall-dark non-serial killer, who was nice, interesting, and engaging. Did I say tall already? Because… Yeah. Tall.
I think it went successfully. Especially when we talked about whether women parading around in lingerie could be called theatre. I think we’re going to see each other again, which is nice (because I’ve been meeting some real weirdo’s this year!)
Unfortunately, in order for any kind of kissing, I’m going to have to strap myself into some fairly serious heels. Or carry a step-ladder.
Oh, and I managed to make myself look like a crazy stalker. COMPLETELY ON ACCIDENT.
(Which is worse than if it was on purpose, because if it’s on purpose, then Yeah, you’re a stalker, but if it’s coincidental stalking, you get painted with the stalker-brush anyway, and that’s just not fair… So yeah.)
I’m meeting a nice american guy on Tuesday for coffee, and I accidentally ended up in his place of work. (He works in a chocolate shop. You can see how I could accidentally end up there, right?)
Anyways, I’m staring off at all the chocolate being all ‘DROOL’ and he turns around, blinks, and then calmly takes my order.
I frown, and tell him what I want thinking ‘Wow… you look really famili- crap. I know you. You’re Tuesday’s coffee date.’
Of course I don’t SAY any of this out loud. Instead I stare intently at him, blush, and then wince, while looking at my feet.
(I know, I KNOW.) (I wasn’t prepared though!)
(And I was only 80% sure it was him, and I didn’t want to ask, and be wrong, then have it be all awkward, while he’s making the crazy girl her hot chocolate.)
On the plus-side I looked hot. And his accent is pretty damn charming. And he’s kinda cute!
On the negative-side, I looked like a stunned mullet when I realised who I was talking to, and I don’t think I was even remotely charming. I think I fell back on my ‘ice queen’ thing that I do when I’m feeling shy.
Ok. Moving right along.
Tonight I’m going to a funhouse cabaret thing with Louise! Yay!! She found the tickets on one of the awesome discount sites, and we’re paying a teeny tiny amount, to go to a show (potentially featuring girls running round in lingerie, and maybe drag queens? (I am a little unclear) and we get tapas, and desert cocktails. (The desert cocktails TOTALLY sold us. That’s my two favorite things right there!)
Now if only there were a few naked men in the show, it would be the PERFECT night out!! (Wait… do drag queens count?)
(Probably not if they’re wearing female lingerie, right?)
(Ah! So confused!)
Today I am feeling relaxed, and fabulous. When my (totally inconsiderate asshat of a) meeting didn’t show up, I decided to not waste any more of my day off in the office, so I walked to Civic Square, shouted myself a brunch bagel, and had a nap on the shady grass.
It’s amazing how much sunshine lifts my mood. It’s also amazing how sitting doing nothing in the sun, in civic square today gives me a sense of serenity (I put a lot of stock in serenity) whereas, for months I sat and did nothing in my bedroom, and felt nothing but the heavy weight of anxiety, and shame.
The difference is astounding, and it gives me hope for the future like you would not believe.
I think I felt so good today, because I’ve finally talked to the parental units about my black-hole of a year, and both were unbelievably supportive. They both said the exact right thing, and they both managed to reduce me to tears… Happy tears. Relieved tears. You’d be surprised how damn good it feels to know that there are people in this world that just get you.
Even when sometimes you think that they might not, or they might try leaping in and saving you, when really all you want is to know that they know and that they care. I think that was why I put off telling anyone for so long. I didn’t want to be saved. I needed to save myself. I’m really glad that the people around me understand, and respect that.
It feels like trust.