Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

30 Days of Truth

I’d panic. A lot. And there’d probably be some crying.

Aaaaand I’d probably be arrested for venting some kind of blunt force trauma on the face, and vulnerable bits of the guy who’s reproductive organs met my reproductive organs without the proper safety equipment or adult supervision.

So yeah, panic, rage, and – most probably – tears.

Unless I managed to get someone else pregnant, in which case, I’d be impressed (because, hello! I’m FEMALE!) then I’d panic.

I’m not really a ‘baby’ kind of a girl. I have no interest in them. I also have no interest in being pregnant for nine months, then going through the horror-show that is birth. I mean, I read the other day, that doctors recommend no boxing, Taekwon Do, or being kicked at all during pregnancy. None at all??!! For nine months?

Also last month? My curiosity got the best of me, and I googled ‘post birth vagina’. I only did it because it occured to me that no one ever says a word about whether it all goes back to normal or not. It’s like fight club – the first rule of fight club is that you do not talk about fight club.

Except they do. And that’s pretty much the only birth-control I’ll ever need.

(Just to clear that up, I was looking for comments from ladies who’d been through the whole birth thing. I was not looking for graphic photos, which I think you can actually find by simply googling PORN.)

(Also? It’s no wonder birth-rates are falling in developed countries. Back in the good old days no one ever explained to ladies exactly what they were in for. These days we have the internet, which tells us in excruciating detail.)

If the government ever decides to get rid of health class, schools should simply hire one of the Mums to come in, and talk to the students about the Unfortunate Changes Her Vagina Underwent During, and After Birth.

I’ll bet that cuts down on teen pregnancy rates by about 99.9%.

And that’s about as in-depth as I’m going to go in that, because dudes? My parental units read this blog, and it makes me uncomfortable to know that they know that I know how to spell vagina.


4 thoughts on “Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

  1. You can google ‘Porn’? Never thought of that! and we don’t read…. opps

    What is this ‘porn’ you speak of? I’ve never heard of it, myself…

  2. When I was about six years old, I “learned” about birthing babies from an encyclopedia, which the twin girls who lived down the street from me, busted out onto their backyard picnic table. Let’s just say that shock set in and I had enough imagination at the age of six to scar me for the rest of my life. I was like … I AM NEVER HAVING CHILDREN. That six year old is still controlling my psyche.

    Haha, oh my gosh! I remember one of the girls at primary school bringing in her mum’s Mills and Boons romance book. We sat behind the trees and read one of the seduction scenes out loud to each other… It’s no wonder I’m a closet romantic!!

  3. Hmmm. I dunno, I plan on babies one day. I think I’m going to avoid google, in case I freak myself out too much.

    Oh yeah, you DEFINITELY don’t want to google that.

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