What it feels like.

kevindooley

It feels like I’m walking down the foot-path. I’m watching my feet, and the feet of the crowd around me. We’re all in perfect sync, except it’s easy for them. I have to concentrate.

Then, for just a moment, a dark shadow skitters across the cement in front of me. It’s small, and I might have even imagined it. It might not even be anything at all – but the point is that I look away. I look away from my feet, and I stumble a little. Just a small mis-step. Tiny, really.

When I regain my balance I look down again, I realise that everyone else is half a step ahead of me. I’m out of sync.

Worse yet? People are starting to notice.

I walk faster, and trip and stumble over the smooth pavement in front of me, forcing myself forward, even though I’ve dropped my backpack, and my shoe is half-off, and I think my hair-tie is back half a block. No matter what I do, though, I can’t seem to catch up with everyone else.

For a moment – a day, maybe two, I stop even trying. I let the fog close in and the street around me gets dark. It’s almost a relief, after all this light, and glaring brightness. A welcome respite on my eyes.

Eventually I remember where I was walking to though. It really seems worth getting there. I look up again, and find the crowd again. I make another super-human effort to get back in sync. Some-times it works.

Then I’m left looking at my feet again. Walking down the same footpath that everyone else is walking down, desperately trying not to lose the beat again.

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8 thoughts on “What it feels like.

  1. This is lovely. I know what it feels like to be the odd one. Be thankful for your uniqueness, lest you be lost in a sea of feet.

  2. Beautifully written! So sorry if you are feeling out of step in a negative way. I’m often out of step but in a way I consider to be positive. I love being a bit different and will go out of my way to be.

  3. I don’t really have words, lady. I hope you’ve got something to help you, so you don’t have to keep watching you feet. My sister and my dad both suffer from depression. Yay drugs… ?

  4. Marching to the beat of a different drummer is pretty cool. 🙂 Enjoy the walk and you may find yourself passing others by.

    this was a very well written post! Thank you for sharing!

  5. I wonder if there’s anyone else among that big crowd that can produce such exquisite text.
    They might be hollow, marching side by side in perfect sync. Should you be worrying about losing your step? We all walk to different beats, that’s the whole point.

  6. This is beautifully written.

    I know the feeling you’re describing. The important thing is to realize that although everyone’s on the same path, we all have different paces and we’re all experiencing the path in different ways. Your “misstep” might feel glaring to you, but all you can do is walk at the best pace you can and not worry about keeping up with everyone else.

    Lots of people are hung up on their own walking and may not even notice your misstep, but even if they do, let them. Your goal is just to walk the best walk you know how. If that takes some stumbling, or some periods of rest and recuperation, you need to take care of yourself first.

    Lots of us have been in very similar situations. You are not alone!!

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