I am not a morning person.
I am emphatically not a morning person. Seriously, and emphatically. Not. A. Morning. Person.
It’s so bad that in the past flat mates have avoided making eye contact with me until I’ve managed to choke out a ‘good morning’. And guys? Sometimes that takes me until 10am. No kidding.
My Dad was always a big fan of getting all mushy-gushy on me and calling me things like ‘Shanny’ and giving me hugs. Nice, but mostly annoying. And he knows it. Irritating his only daughter in the morning is totally an extreme sport for him.
The current flatties call me the morning bear, and pretty much ignore me. Or say things like ‘aww‘ in tones that suggest I should be pitied.
The reason I’m bringing this up, is that sometimes in the morning, when I’m not quite awake yet, I forget to open my eyes all the way. Like, sometimes I’ll find myself walking down the hallway to the kitchen, and whoops, I’ve got my eyes shut again. Also? I’ve walked into a wall. Or three.
I’m pretty much always covered in bruises from Taekwon Do, because I’m naturally a bit clumsy, and I have a tendency to walk into fists and kicks, and blocks, and on one memorable occasion, the floor. I thought that over the christmas period, for once, I’d actually manage to have a bruise-free body!
I was excited.
I planned to wear many skirts, and singlet tops without worrying that people were going to stop me in the street to give me cards for the local Women’s Refuge. (True story: That actually happened.)
But then I realised that actually? I do a lot more damage to myself in the mornings, with that than I realised. I haven’t had a proper Taekwon Do practice for a month now. I’m still covered in bruises.
My elbow has a bruise the size of a golf-ball on it, from where I whacked it into the bathroom sink. My hip is yellow, from where I bounced off my own bedroom door. My little toe is a combination of purples and pinks from all the times I’ve kicked it against stationary objects this week, and to round it all off? My knees are pretty-much permanently bruised-up from a combination of door frames, gym-push-ups, and my habit of smacking them on my desk.
So in conclusion, I cannot win. And morning bear is cranky. Also?: Well tenderised. Like steak.
Are you a morning person?