Today’s comedy of errors…

I’m back! I’m back! Nobody panic, I’m back!

Phew. It has been a busy week. Hence all the silence over here on Leaf Probably.

So, I’ve had a completely unsuccessful day so far. I was supposed to be at my doctor at 11.15am this morning, and I only realised this at 11.05am this morning.

Unfortunately, up until this point I’d been lounging in my own filth, and working on my cover letter. I COULD have gone ahead and run up the hill all greasy, and disgusting, but thought it would be kinder to everyone if I showered first.

I finally got up to Uni at 11.20, panting and sweating like a rapist because dudes? My university is perched up on a mountain that rivals Everest – BTW? University planner? What the hell were you thinking? Students HATE exercise. And knowing you have to strap on tramping boots, and a belaying line before your 9am Monday class is NOT helping motivate us to get there on time.

The next thing on today’s agenda was to workout. So I go to the gym that’s closest to Uni, in the hopes of being on time for the 12pm ‘Lift Heavy Things, and Cry, While Pretending It’s Just Sweat‘ class. Needless to say: I was not on time. I’m never on time.

So instead I amused myself in the cardio room, and did a dancey fun class before trying to get back into my locker. Only my $2 Shop padlock? It would not open.

This, is actually really funny, because I once managed to open this padlock with nothing more than a hair pin (Luckily there are never any of those lying around the women’s changing room, otherwise EVERYONE would be able to break into my locker and see my towel and spare pair of socks.)

Unfortunately today I didn’t have a hairpin on me.

While I’m sitting there trying to jam my key into the lock, and it’s not unlocking, I notice all the other naked ladies in the changing room are totally covertly watching me. So I have to make unnecessarily loud comments to my neighbor (also naked) about how “hahaha, this totally happens all the time, I swear I’m not breaking into anyone elses locker!”

Only, I’m totally uncomfortable with the whole ‘naked people’ situation – I pretty much aim to get in, get changed, and then get the hell out before I have to make eye contact with anyone else. My stupid padlock was thwarting my ‘avoid having to see old-lady-butt’ plans.

Finally I had to give up the futile tugging, and accept that there was no way that lock was coming off without the help of a bolt cutter. Fortunately the gym has one of those behind the front desk because “this totally happens all the time!” (Whatever, perky gym lady. I know you’re judging me.)

Then we had to go back into the room full of naked people who were, at this point, actually staring at me. So I felt the need to be all “See I told you it’s my locker!”

And finally? In todays carnival of errors? I just took a chunk of skin off my thigh with a razor, while I was shaving.

I’m not so awesome with the blood (although I’m getting better) So the razor slips, and I’m all OW that HURTS! And then I see this long cut all “blood” and my thought process goes like this:

Mild curiosity: Wow that really hurts. And it’s quite a decent chunk. Interesting

Panic: Ah! I need to sit down! Or lie down! Or cover the blood with something. Like a flannel! Call 111!!!

Common Sense: But I need to finish shaving first otherwise I’ll look like a freak.

Irrationality: But OMG I’m bleeding! I’m probably going to die.

And finally:

Rationality: Wait. No, it’s just a cut. A band aid will probably do. I probably should get off the floor. The shower is getting cold.
It was traumatic. And now it hurts. And I have a plaster bigger than my hand on it.  It’s really more of a scratch than anything else. I’m a dork.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go get ready for TKD (sparring tonight -> insert colourful swear word here.)


6 thoughts on “Today’s comedy of errors…

  1. I’m always paranoid that my locker won’t open again after a gym session. Although my gym has digitally passcoded lockers, so if you can’t get it open, you’re holding eeeeeeeeeveryone else up in getting into their lockers. Awkward…

    Oh dear to the razor incident. I usually mangle my ankles. So much more awkward to stick bandaids on!

  2. I tend to have padlock accidents with gym lockers, but in a different way. Its not so much the padlock, but the protruding metal thing in the door, that makes the whole thing work.

    Last December while getting ready for a gym session, sitting right in front of my locker, my shoes on the floor, I was getting ready to put them on, when I bowed rapidly and a bit too much more than necessary. My head went right into the protruding metal thing and I did hear a distinctive scratching sound and it did hurt quite a lot more than a scratch.

    The initial reaction was to curse and not to pay any attention to the incident and to bow again but carefully this time to get them freakin’ shoes. I immediately noticed the red dots on the floor and the sound of the drops, and there were so many of them. Then I turned right and the guy sitting next to me was so so pale he was this close to passing out. Passing out naked is a serious thing.

    Anyway, a while later a young female doctor came in to stitch me up and I told her: “wow, I must be the first one to have this kind of accident” and she replied “oh not really it happens all the time” and then she cleared some hair from her forehead and showed me a scar. “see this?” yes… “well, that’s my fridge” … 🙂

  3. I hate changing in the locker room. I hate being around naked people. I hate being naked around other naked people.

    I also hate when I cut myself.

    “Call 111!”—Hilarious!

  4. Great to see you back.
    The blood thing is totally on your Mothers side.
    I remember when one of my brothers stubbed his toe badly enough for towels to be needed.
    He yelled out that he was coming inside and needed help.
    Donna yells back “Hold on, nearly ready” (Brother thinks she’s gone to get towels.)
    “OK, come in”.
    He arrives, hobbling at the front door.
    Mum’s laying down on the couch so she wouldn’t fall down when she faints!

    The apple didn’t fall too far from the tree eh! lol. lu

  5. Putting aside all the female nakedness and shaven thighs – ‘sweating like a rapist’? What a great line – if rather politically incorrect. Nice one.

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