A letter from the desk of SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Dear Owner of the small yappy dog,

I like animals. I really do. I’m routinely late to work, because I had to stop to pat a cat on the way. And I love dogs. I sometimes make friends walk around the waterfront with me on weekends, so that I can pat the dogs.

But I hate your dog. I really do.

I’m not sure if you know this, but your little yappy dog Barks.

It barks from the hours of 9am to 4.30pm on week days. And usually that’s annoying, and it drives me up the wall, but it doesn’t drive me to scream at your dog in frustration.

However. This weekend was the lat straw. I worked a 14 hour shift, followed by a 13 hour shift, and I wanted nothing more than to be able to sleep to 11am. That’s all I was asking. 11am after the Rugby sevens in Wellington. That’s not unusual.

But. Your. Fucking. Dog.

Your fucking yappy dog started barking a lot earlier than 11am. I know, because it woke me up. Many times. And now? Now I’m angry.

Do something about the fucking dog. Please. Investigate puppy daycare or something. Or – here’s an idea – LET IT THE FUCK INTO THE HOUSE.

Seriously. Please do something about your dog.


Your sleep deprived Neighborhood Morning Bear.

Image by Matt Dawson, Freelance Illustrator


5 thoughts on “A letter from the desk of SHUT THE FUCK UP.

  1. HAHAHHAH!! Sorry. Not laughing at your pain, just reminds me SO MUCH of when we first moved to Portland and were renting an apt below an oversexed dude I called “Humpers.” Who kept incredibly late hrs (2, 3, 4 am) and I had to be up at 5 am to bake. I’m not sure which would be worse, Humpers or the dog, but I’d be fine with putting them both to sleep. (I wrote about the experience (of course) Early Morning Rising.) Hang in there.

  2. I’m not sure which is worse – the dog that woke you up or the cockatoos that woke me up at 6am today… At least with the dog, you could lodge a noise complaint with the local council! I can’t wait to leave Canberra and move to a city that isn’t overrun by cockatoos…

  3. Uhmm… you kind of upset with the dog? lol
    It’s very frustrating when a dog barks like that. Have you spoken to the owner about this. You should. They should find a way to keep their dog quiet.

  4. Ugh! I am totally feeling your pain on this one. My neighbors have The Hellhounds. I don’t know what their real names are (except for one, Clover). They are large, very aggressive mix breeds that bark at all hours. 3 am? Yep, rather regularly. 6 am on a weekend? Oh, yes. Got that one covered, too. 3 pm when I just get driven home from work with a blinding migraine? OH, but yes. They’re “house” dogs, though. They just “need exercise.” Yeah, EXERCISE at 3 am! Oh, did I mention that my bed is literally just a few feet from their stomping grounds? ‘Cause it is. And they have now managed to shred my chain link fence so that they can squeeze under & scare the hell out of my rottweiler and english bulldog! They’re THAT bad. I just love ’em. Can you tell?!

  5. Ugh. I hate small yappy dogs. The joke amongst my friends and I generally focus on ideas on how to best drop-kick them into the next zip code… 😉

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