Oy. I totally just dropped a brick on my foot, while emptying the compost bin. Now I have a big brick-shaped indent on the top of my foot, surrounded by some serious swelling.
On the up-side, that bruise is going to look really badass in a few days.
(Although… Is that an ‘up side’ if it means I’m stuck in jandals -flip flops- for the next week? I’m not sure…)
This week has been a week for confrontation – which means it was a little up and down for me. Being a Libra, I’m generally not so much for the confrontation. It’s so… confrontational.
Thankfully, confrontation isn’t always such a bad thing. Sometimes it’s just people asking you in a very straight forward way about whether you’re ok.
So the first ‘confrontation’ was actually my flatmate. She wanted to talk about how I’m doing, because she’s been noticing that I’ve been letting the stress get me down a little. (Or… You know… A lot.) She made me confront the issue of my medication. It doesn’t seem to be doing enough right now – and I’ve been waffling around about whether I need to increase my dosage for the past three months now.
It feels like a total failure on my part, at times, that I need medication to ‘prop me up’ I mean, I’m intelligent, resourceful, I have huge potential, but I can’t get out of bed some mornings? Seriously?!
I absolutely hate that I need medication, but I’m slowly accepting that the SSRI’s leave me that much more able to deal with the important things – things like getting out of bed. Working. Making decisions for the future, and hunting for my dream job.
My next confrontation was family driven – it turns out they’ve been a little worried about me, and my predisposition for going radio-silent on them when I’m having a rough time actually scares the crap out of them sometimes. Understandably.
I’ve always thought that I’m a bit of an over-sharer, so it’s a surprise to hear the people around me talk about how private I am, how ‘independent‘ I can be (which, really is a nice way of saying stubborn), and how emotionally ‘strong‘ I am…. Now that whole strong thing? It makes me laugh my ass off… because: Ha. Ho. Haha. Right.
Some days I feel as strong as a paper bag full of water.
It helps that I read a quote from somewhere the other day that said: “Depression is not weakness. Depression is a result of having to be strong for too long.” It made a fair bit of sense to me.
I made a point of emailing both parental units and letting them know – fully and honestly – how I’m doing. I also made a point of promising that I’d try taking a moment or two to send the odd email. Just so that everyone knows I’m still ok.
And my final confrontation? (Oh god, touch wood, throw salt, and lick a bunny foot that it’s the final confrontation) Was, naturally, work related. The boss stepped in to clean up a situation, and his solution involved me taking over – naturally the person I’m taking over from is more than a little upset at this.
I came out on top… I think… But I feel a little like I was in the wrong – even though I know there was nothing I did to cause it.
I think it boils down to me hating tension and drama in the workplace. I’d much rather everyone got along, and held hands, and danced in sunbeams, whilst singing about friendship and co-operation. Unfortunately that’s not the way real adults behave sometimes.
Still. One can dream.
Fingers crossed that next week is the week of lollipops. Or sunbeams in the workplace (which would be a real miracle, because of the ‘no window’ situation.)
How’s your week shaping up so far?