Ok. I gathered my courage and went to the pathology clinic in my lunch break to have my blood test done. I didn’t have any fun at all.
I thought it would be a good idea to warn everyone what they were dealing with in advance, so told the nurse that actually I’m a screaming whimpery mess when it comes to my own blood. She asked if I wanted to lie down, or have a drink of cold water.. I kind of wanted to ask if there was any way we could use a donor vein. Like someone elses?? One that is not attached to my arm?
At this point she starts wildly complementing my veins – did you know that my veins are lovely and active? Also perfectly positioned for ease of vampirism-via-needle. I just kind of huddled miserably in my plastic chair and held on to Cecelia the laptop, and my enviro diary, until the nurse very gently pried them out of my grasp.
She was all: “I can see these are very precious, so I’m just going to pop them over here.” (Kindly leaving out the ‘just in case you faint like a big baby.’)
She also told me that she’s be taking less than a tablespoon of blood, so it wasn’t really anything to worry about. And I know that doesn’t sound like very much, until you imagine accidentally cutting yourself, and having a tablespoon of blood come out onto the floor. THAT’S A LOT OF BLOOD. That’s more blood than a wad of tissue can handle. That’s more blood than a single plaster will take care of.
And besides: I happened to like that tablespoon of blood right where it was – in my veins where I couldn’t see it.
Somehow the nurse managed to distract me by asking about the differences in Japanese and Korean origin martial arts. I was all: “I know what you’re doing – you’re trying to distract me, and let me tell you something, that’s not going to work Ma’am, because I have a genuine fear of blood, and very little knowledge of Japanese martial arts styles-” and then all of a sudden it was all over, and she was telling me about the guy who fainted WHILE lying down last week. Apparently that’s kind of a feat in itself.
As she was labeling my vial of blood (shudder) she was telling me about how my colour was looking pretty good so I could go any time I wanted. “Oh. Good.” I offered faintly, trying to ignore the cold sweat and shuddery stomach. Also the fact that everything had turned all overexposed and contrasty around me.
And for some reason I couldn’t stop visualizing that needle in my vein. Sure it was gone now, but I could still feel the hole it left behind. In fact? I was so busy freaking myself out that I nearly left Cecelia, and the enviro diary in the exam room.
Afterwards I sat in the waiting room and tried to look unapproachable, and vaguely annoyed while I waited for the world to regain it’s usual colouring and contrast levels. (I hate having to make conversation with well meaning strangers when I feel ill. Mostly because I end up sounding more socially retarded than usual.)
Then I wobbled my way back to work, and the second I sit down, the organiser for the thing that I’m volunteering to help out for called. I did my best to sound in control, and happy to help, but I get the funny feeling I came off as slightly unhinged and desperate – if the amount of shaking my hands and voice were doing was any indication…
Also? On another (possibly more rational) note: I’ve just figured out why I’ve been so moody and grumpy over the last two days, and I’m all DUH. I’m an idiot. The doctor warned me that this would happen, with these meds, but I was too busy being all: “give me the drugs because 19 days is far too fucking long for me to be calm anymore!”
On to another subject that doesn’t involve my inner workings:
Work is awful right now, and I’ve finally admitted that my workload is just too heavy to deal with in 20 hours a week. So I’m having to give one of my projects back to the person I originally took it from, and I feel all defeated about it. I wanted to finish that project, just to show that I could. I wanted to see it through to the end, because I honestly thing I could do an amazing job at it.
Unfortunately I don’t have time, and that sucks.
Oh: and I have a box of Oreos on my desk at the moment, and I have a funny feeling that I’m about to do a Very Bad Thing: ie – eat sugar until I feel sick.
Now I’m sitting here staring at the little cotton wool pad taped over my (poor defenceless) vein. I forgot to ask about when it’s ok to take it off.
I have a confession: I’m scared to take it off, in case I accidentally spring a leak or something. I’m really not sure I could deal with blood shooting out everywhere. Or, like having to see a NEEDLE MARK in my skin. Gag. (Dear Parentals: I’ll bet you never worried about me becoming a drug addict!)
Oh god I feel sick. I think I need an oreo.