My blood test results came back today. My doctor called to tell me that nothing was too out of the ordinary.
On one hand I’m relieved, because I would really like to not have to take more pills every morning – and thyroid issues don’t sound fun.
On the other hand I’m disappointed.
If there’s nothing physically wrong with me, then the reason I’ve been so exhausted lately is a mental block, rather than a physical one. And that means there’s some stuff going on depression-wise that I’m obviously not on top of. So yes. Disappointed, but relieved.
So this afternoon – after a little bit of sobbing over my gym shoes – I dragged myself into the gym. It was damned hard to do. I nearly stopped myself from pulling on my yoga pants. Then I couldn’t find a sports bra. Then my drink bottle was empty, and filling it is So. Much. Work. Then I stood for five minutes on the steps by the front door, convinced that this was a waste of time.
It wasn’t though: Yesterday I only managed 20 minutes of a class because my feet and hips felt like they were full of concrete. Today I pushed myself through an hour and a half of exercise, and actually ended up enjoying it a little. Riiighht at the very end.
I guess it helps that I did Combat, which is punchy and kicky and perfect for dealing with my current anger management issues. I also did a half class of Jam, which is dancey and fun. I even laughed a little. So it worked. Mood lifted.
I think I’ve spent far too little time at the gym lately. I just don’t feel like it’s working for keeping my weight under control like it used to. It probably also does not help that my mood has been extra low, and TIRED lately which has me reaching for the high-sugar junk food.
Whoa. We just – like just this second – had an earthquake. Not a big one, but it rumbled through the house, and jolted the flaties out of bed and into the hallway. We all just kind of stood there for a second making sure it was all over, made a few jokes, and then went back into our rooms, but still. It’s a little freaky to be dealing with earthquakes while the Christchurch disaster is still dominating our news.
I mean, yeah, we have our emergency supplies ready, We know where to go for our closest civil defence point. We have contact numbers for friends and family… But how ready can you ever really be for the Big One? I thought we were, but the second that quake hit my mind screamed to a halt, and all I could think was “I’m not ready! I thought I was, but I’m not ready!”
Anyway, to sum it all up: I’m tired, it’s all in my mind, the gym is good for me, earthquakes are scary.