My Dream Job

This morning has sucked. You know what? At this point, the only next logical step for my body is to have someone pop up out of my doctors office, and announce, “Oh, and by the way? You have the black plague. I’ll see you the same time next week!”

Ok. It’s not that bad. But still. I am grumpy.

And I’ve just decided that I’m not about to write about why on the internet, because YES I do still have filters. (I know. I’m as surprised as you are!)

Instead I picked a question out of my inspiration jar, and I’m going to answer that instead – thereby saving you a rant about my inner workings. You’re welcome.

So my question was “What is your dream job?”

It’s a timely question because I’m in the middle of applying for and being rejected for every single job I can get my hands on. Job hunting is Fun. (And by ‘Fun’ I definitely mean painful and not unlike being drowned in an over-chlorinated swimming pool full of angry sharks. And fire-ants. Also? You have sand in your swimming togs, and it’s uncomfortable.)

Again: It’s not that bad. I’m just frustrated, and getting a little sick of seeing the little negative sign in front of my bank balance.

Now, as for my dream job, if we’re talking literal dream job, then it doesn’t really have a job title. It does seem to involve a lot of fetching, and carrying, and walking up and down dark hallways with an overriding sense of hopelessness, and the conviction that nothing I do has any real impact or value.

Boy I miss dreaming about being a pirate.

If we’re talking daydreaming well, ok! I spend a lot of time dreaming about being a spy. Who rides horses. Or a horse riding badass. On a pirate ship. In South America. And Europe. Or just being a plain-old badass.

I am unsure of whether being a badass pays well, but I suspect it does.

I spend long bus trips thinking up badass things to say like “You know what, asshole? You double-cross me, and I’ll hit you so hard you’ll be blowing your nose through your belly button until your plastic surgeon next has an appointment free.”

Yeah. I’d be a pretty good badass. I’ve been practicing my moves.

Also? I think I’ve found a mentor – a badass mentor! One of my friends was telling me about how her colleague showed up to work the other day with a swollen hand. All her workmates were all like “Oh my god! What happened??” And this chick shrugs and says that she caught her boyfriend in bed with another woman.

So she marched up to the bed, and broke his nose.

How badass is that??!!

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5 thoughts on “My Dream Job

  1. …and when I caught my boyfriend in bed with… opps. Sorry. Wrong forum.
    I know it’s a horror story out there looking for job but just keep swimming, just keep swimming. (Nemo).

  2. LOL. I wish I had done something like that when my husband made all his announcements.

    Hang in there…

  3. Thoughts: Wow.. That’s still pretty badass!

    Dad: Ah. yeah, definitely the wrong forum for THAT story. Also? I love how finding Nemo is the answer to almost all things in life.

    Sugar Peep: Hindsight, huh? Although NOT having punched him means avoiding a possible assault conviction (yay?)

  4. Given my geeky status, I’d feel lucky enough to have ONE girl exclusively! All these stories of badass women and definitely making me sure that I’d stay that way, too! 🙂

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