So I just finished my first sculpt class at my new gym, and Louise was there, which was AWESOME because I’d actually already forgotten how to find the changing room.
That saved some really awkward explaining why I was wriggling into my sports bra in the broom cupboard.
After Sculpt I was all flush with triumph at not having died during the brutal squat track, so I decided to stay for Zumba.
Zumba is… Confusing.
The instructor came in wearing his little white tank top and his little white Zumba pants, and I swear, he said something about “shake” in spanish, and all of a sudden everyone was dancing like they were half naked at Mardi Gras.
Everyone, that is, except me because I’ve never done a Zumba class in my life, and I’m not what you’d call a natural dancer.
Oh. Don’t get me wrong, I do a great shuffle, so long as it’s after midnight, everyone else in the club is drunk, and the lights are all down really low. But Zumba is done in a well lit class, full of mirrors, with a view of my house.
Shannon: Um… What are we doing? I mean, I don’t know the moves.
Everyone else: Gyrating butts and jumping, and thrusting.
Shannon: Whoa. Is this the warm up?
Instructor: Shaking his booty like he’s J-Lo
Shannon: Um. Mine doesn’t do that.
Three songs in and the instructor still hadn’t said any actual words. There were a few ‘wohoo’ type noises but no words. And yet the rest of the class? They TOTALLY knew all the moves.
Shannon: Seriously, HOW are you guys doing this?
Shannon: And why isn’t he speaking? He’s not even saying the names of the songs! How do you even know that this song is the one with the butt shake steppy steppy jump thing??
Shannon: I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING.
I ended up leaving before the end of the class, because I’d totally exhausted my knowledge of Latin-type dance moves, and was reduced to shuffling back and forwards on the spot. Sometimes I nodded my head in time to the music, but really, that was not even close to keeping up with the one legged hoppy starbursts that everyone else was doing. WHILE shaking their asses.