Zumba is really confusing. Also sexual. I think.

So I just finished my first sculpt class at my new gym, and Louise was there, which was AWESOME because I’d actually already forgotten how to find the changing room.

That saved some really awkward explaining why I was wriggling into my sports bra in the broom cupboard.

After Sculpt I was all flush with triumph at not having died during the brutal squat track, so I decided to stay for Zumba.

Zumba is… Confusing.

The instructor came in wearing his little white tank top and his little white Zumba pants, and I swear, he said something about “shake” in spanish, and all of a sudden everyone was dancing like they were half naked at Mardi Gras.

Everyone, that is, except me because I’ve never done a Zumba class in my life, and I’m not what you’d call a natural dancer.

Oh. Don’t get me wrong, I do a great shuffle, so long as it’s after midnight, everyone else in the club is drunk, and the lights are all down really low. But Zumba is done in a well lit class, full of mirrors, with a view of my house.

Shannon: Um… What are we doing? I mean, I don’t know the moves.

Everyone else: Gyrating butts and jumping, and thrusting.

Shannon: Whoa. Is this the warm up?

Instructor: Shaking his booty like he’s J-Lo

Shannon: Um. Mine doesn’t do that.

Three songs in and the instructor still hadn’t said any actual words. There were a few ‘wohoo’ type noises but no words. And yet the rest of the class? They TOTALLY knew all the moves.

Shannon: Seriously, HOW are you guys doing this?

Shannon: And why isn’t he speaking? He’s not even saying the names of the songs! How do you even know that this song is the one with the butt shake steppy steppy jump thing??

Shannon: I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT IS HAPPENING.

I ended up leaving before the end of the class, because I’d totally exhausted my knowledge of Latin-type dance moves, and was reduced to shuffling back and forwards on the spot. Sometimes I nodded my head in time to the music, but really, that was not even close to keeping up with the one legged hoppy starbursts that everyone else was doing. WHILE shaking their asses.

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6 thoughts on “Zumba is really confusing. Also sexual. I think.

  1. HAHA. i took exactly one zumba class as well, with HIGHLY SIMILAR results/experiences. when i realized the little 65 year old asian granny in front of me was dancing more adeptly than i was, i decided i did Not Need This.

  2. LOL! Good on you for trying it though! I wouldn’t even go to a zumba class after everyone who gushed how I absolutely MUST try it made me want to punch them and kick their bums. Although that would be good exercise too…

  3. Up until just now, I wanted to try zumba. Not anymore.

    “All of a sudden everyone was dancing like they were half naked at Mardi Gras.” Hilarious! And scary….

  4. I’ve been to Zumba about a dozen times now, and I STILL have no idea what’s going on! I suspect it’s probably easier to start with the DVD so that you can rewind 14 times to work out what the steps are. But that seems like doing homework for an exercise class, and that’s just ridiculous…

    Stick with Combat, it’s a much safer option! 😉

  5. HAHAHA! Well there is another account of Zumba which convinces me even more that it is not for me. Maybe if I was drunk…or as a friend said…if we put margaritas into the water bottle instead of water… then maybe. But at 8am it might be a bit tough.

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