A fear, and a routine.

I have a fear.

Last years spectacular slide into numbness, apathy, and depression was accompanied by the seasons sliding into winter. You see there’s this thing called seasonal affective disorder, which most people shorten to SAD (Which is basically the most unhappy acronym in the world.)

Depression for me, was definitely made that little bit darker by the cold and the cool winter light. Also by the fact that some days I never even bothered to open my curtains. (Which does make you wonder, how much of my SAD was self inflicted.)

My fear is this: Now winter is here again, and as the sun sinks down over my city, I’m scared. I already feel it dragging my mood down some days. I haven’t pulled an all-day pity party yet, wrapped up in my depression-era clothes, and a couple of quilts, but my mornings are definitely slower.

On the other hand, I’m awake an functioning by 8 every morning. It’s no longer a struggle to get my eyes open and stay awake, BUT it definitely takes me a couple of hours to get dressed and be ready to leave the house.

I have this ritual that I do every morning that I can’t seem to make myself get out of my PJ’s. I start with my makeup. My eyes in particular. I find some bright pretty eyeshadow, and make myself look spectacular. I’m talking three coats of mascara spectacular.

Then I’ll feel kind of stupid standing there with my bed-hair and a robe, so I’ll tame my hair back into some kind of order. Then I’ll accessorize, with some jewelery that makes me feel badass and rock-chic.

Then I’ll feel ridiculous for still being in a robe, and I’ll dig out some actual clothes.

It’s a good routine. And it’s fun, which I think it the important bit. My therapist is forever telling me to make room in my life for fun.

So, do you have a routine that helps you get up and go in the morning?


7 thoughts on “A fear, and a routine.

  1. I’d blame your Mother for the anti morning stance, but she gets up earlier than me! I’m a morning person and the only routine I have is to make a cuppa and go back to bed to drink it. I also have a good breakfast. In the job, you don’t plan for breaks; you take them whenever it suits. So lunch may be at 2pm, hence the good breakfast. lu

  2. I have some issues with SAD too–I find my gloom gets worst during our long, snowy winters when things are always gray and it gets dark at 5p.m.

    I took extra Vitamin D (a vitamin you normally get from the sun) this winter and whether that was the reason or not, I didn’t feel quite so bad. I’ve also heard that fish oil is good for SAD. They also recommend that you keep your indoors well-lit to keep your mood up. You can actually buy a special lamp with certain UV rays that mimick the sun, but I haven’t gotten quite that fancy yet.

  3. I feel for you on this one. Don’t know how long you’ve been reading, but I think I’ve posted before about how the depths of winter/lack of light get to me. Of course, here in the northern hemisphere, it doesn’t help that the few weeks around the solstice just happen to be around the “you should be joyous” holiday stuff that happens too. Hope you’re able to get through it, and I hope you take solace in knowing that you’re not alone.

    As for getting up in the morning… if the house is cold, there’s not much that motivates me other than having to pay rent!

  4. I have to howling cats demanding food every morning… gets me up. Then it is just one foot in front the next until I hit work and can devour my fist double-shot latte. Sigh.

  5. We’re in the same boat! I like your morning routine. I think I’ll try it myself. I usually lay in bed for about 10-20 minutes and mentally map out my day. Then I wiggle my toes and get out of bed! After that I just go about the morning! 🙂

  6. Morning routine … I’m retired but the Wife still works so I wake up early so that I can wake her up. With out the need to wake her up I probably would be in bed for another hour or two. I do like the quiet solitude of the early morning though.

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