I had the scariest dream last night… There was this skinny dude with scary teeth, and I slit his throat, only he wouldn’t bleed, so I kept cutting and cutting… And the meat of his throat? It was green… And then I woke up and stared at the wall for 20 minutes trying to figure out what the hell that meant.
So far I haven’t managed to come up with a reasonable answer. I think at this point my brain might just be fucking with me.
Anyway, today was another successful day for me, I managed to get to work by 8am, and print off some last minute brochures and stuff for one of the volunteers. And then I was sitting there, all overflowing with my own success thinking “Hell yes. I am an ADULT. I get to work EARLY! And I’m wearing actual clothes – rather than yoga pants and a big gym sweater! I’m the most responsible adult in the world. Probably.”
Then I remembered that Jasmyne was in the shower when I left, meaning that I didn’t take my medication, and I also didn’t eat breakfast because my routine means I don’t eat until after I’ve swallowed a handful of happy pills. Annnd I didn’t brush my teeth.
So in conclusion: Not quite, but good try irresponsible woman-child.
Also, almost completely unrelated, but do you guys read hyperbole and a half? I do, and that comic about being an adult is awesome. Every time I go to the bank I think“Go to the motherf*cking bank like an adult!” If you don’t read hyperbole and a half you’ll be all “Um… Ok…” But trust me. It’s funny. (Maybe just in my head?)
Anyway, another thing that I did last night – aside from dream creepy dreams – was flick my bedroom lights on and off so that I could catch Steve the Snails doing their job in my fishbowl.
I’m not sure if I told you guys that I was on Trade Me, and somehow accidentally brought 13 Malaysian Trumpet Snails? And then the seller posted them in an old roast chicken container, and they survived?! And so I dumped them in my bowl, and decided to call them all Steve.
I mean, Steve the Snails are probably the rambo’s of the sea world, I’m sure of it, because what kind of other aquarium animal would survive being posted in an old chicken container, and then dumped into a bowl, and then be all like ‘oh, cool, I’m just chilling out eating your algae and burrowing in your gravel. No big.
I decided that Steve was the perfect name for them, because they’re kind of little, and you kind of underestimate them, and then BAM they’re in your letter box all “We survived the postal service B*tch! Suck on that!”
Except they’re snails, so they probably don’t trash talk. They’re pretty mild mannered when it comes down to it.
Anyway. I have about a million letters to send off to very important people, so I’d better go do some spellchecking.
I’ll leave you with a video about dinosaurs that made me laugh like an evil genius this morning. And I hate mornings, and I’m not really a big fan of screaming children, so this must actually be genuinely funny:
I think this was probably the greates day of these teachers lives. I mean, sure it would be pretty great for the kids too. In a terrifying sort of way, but when else, as a teacher, are you legitimately allowed to scare the living crap out of kids and call it education?
I’ll bet their classrooms were the most well behaved they’d ever been for WEEKS after that. I’ll bet the teachers were all “Inside voices, or I’ll send you out to the Dinosaur for time out! Where is your homework? You didn’t do it? Ok. Ten minutes in the dinosaur pen!”
Also? That kid at 0:22 is probably going to grow up to be a shark wrestler or something. If it were me, I’d be the kid at 0:35 peeing myself in a corner.