Sometimes I get worried about people worrying about me. Which, if you’re confused reading that sentence, think how confusing it must be for me feeling that.
The thing that worries me is this: I’m not really a smiler. And when I’m not smiling.. I look tense. And unhappy. Also worried. That’s just what I like to call my default face.
It’s not usually how I feel, but I also don’t feel like smiling away at nothing like a ninny.
Because, well that’s what crazy people do. Also? It’s tiring.
I’ve never really been a smiler, I guess. I remember a relative jabbing me in the stomach when I was a kid, and telling me “The only time I ever see you smile is when I’m talking about food.” It’s kind of an ugly memory.
Also old men have a habit of stopping me in the street and saying things like “It’s not all that bad is it?” It was kind of creepy the first few times they did it, but I’m getting used to it at 25. It’s just an old man way of saying hello to a morose looking stranger on the street.
Hairdressers have been known to describe me as very serious. I guess because most people when they relax at the hairdresser, well they smile. I don’t. I just… relax. And very seriously contemplate my trashy gossip magazine.
Also when I was in my late teens Dad dragged us kids along to a professional photographer. You know the kind with all those generic cloud backgrounds, where they arrange the family into an awkward, stiff and yet aesthetically correct group? And he was all “Smile sweetheart, you have a beautiful smile, you should use it more often.”
Comments like that make me want to scowl out of sheer stubborn hard-headed contrary vindictiveness. Unfortunately Dad and my brothers were joking around and the guy managed to get a couple of shots of me smiling. To this day I hate seeing that portrait because every time I do I wish I could have snapped back at him that I’d smile or not smile as I damn-well pleased thankyou!
Unfortunately I was a very polite 17 year old.
So: Me=Not much of a smiler. And now that the majority of my friends know I have The Depression… Well I can feel them watching me sometimes, and I feel pressure to put on my smily photo face, just to show them that I’m doing ok. Really.
Last week one of them said something to the tune of “that’s the most I’ve seen you smile all week!” And it occurred to me that maybe it was… And that I’m really not trying to give off the impression I’m not happy. I’ve actually had a pretty good few days recently.
Work is busy, but I’m getting a lot done. My personal training stuff is amazing. I had a session yesterday where we focused on legs, and this morning I couldn’t walk with my heels on the ground because my calves are still feeling those calf raises.
I spent Friday and Saturday in a frenzy of excitement on recruitment sites. I signed up for no less than 5 different recruitment agencies, applied for roughly twenty jobs, and then found myself getting all over excited and accidently enlisting in the Army.
Thankfully I managed to stop myself before I sent in the application. I’m not really interested in going through basic training just to get a new career. Not when my own current career is going so nicely at the moment.
The point though, is that I’m excited about the future, and I’m happy – more or less – at the moment, and I’m not living my life under the dark cloud anymore.
I’m wondering if I’m not showing the people around me that enough? Maybe I need to spend more time talking about the good stuff with my friends? Or maybe I just need to suck it up and paste a stupid smile on my face.
ANYWAY. So actually this isn’t what I came on here to whine about. I actually came on here to LP BECAUSE I am thinking about a haircut! Wo! A DRAMATIC haircut. I currently have quite LONG Thick, naturally curly hair. And I’m getting a little tired of the length of time it takes to style.
AND I was looking online, and I found a bunch of really cool haircuts that I kind of WANT.
So I sent out an email to friends, asking them to play hairdresser with me and these are the results:
This one… Well I’m not so sure about it any more, but my mum likes it. And I do like the choppiness of the fringe. It appeals to me. And the length is an easy one – not too short, and not too long…
This one is my favorites, actually. I’d never suit blonde, but I think this would look pretty good in a deep dark mahogany. I LOVE the shaping around the sides, and the way the layers sit. Louise thinks that my hair might be too thick for this. And I’m a little worried about the length of the fringe.
This one is my second favorite. The length is fun, and SHORT, and it looks shorter at the back than the front… But I might be OK with that. Again, the sweepy fringe thing might get a little annoying… But You can train hair, right?
3 Colour Votes
So… Now that we’ve been very intellectual and deep today… Can you tell me what cut you like the most?
I know! I know! It’s not what you signed up for, but PLEASE. I am stuck.
Remember, naturally curly thick hair. I blowdry it and straighten it maybe every second day. I’m sticking with a darker reddy brown colour base.