I figured out why I was feeling so out of it this morning. As usual (when it comes to my mental state, anyway) it was linked to stress.
In my mornings I sit at my new curvaceous desk at large governmental, and nothing is hard, or urgent. There are no deadlines, and I barely get to think for myself (because I’m still in my honeymoon training phase.)
But all the while I’m jittery, and distracted, and foggy because I am stressed that after lunch I’m going to lurch into final week hell in my old small NGO office. Like I arrive, and I sit at my desk, and I literally do not move for the next three to five hours, because I’m frantically trying to wrap-up all my loose ends.
Of course that stress is carrying over into my mornings.
And when I was at the depths of my deep dark depression every day felt like this morning. Foggy, impenetrable, and introspective: and that’s not conducive to me working. Instead I spend hours staring at a wall thinking about all possible meanings of the word failure. Or hours staring blindly at Lol-cats, because that’s all I’m smart enough to do anyway.
Last week guys. I can’t wait to get free of that other job. It’s going to be like a breath of fresh air sweeping into my life.
Wo! New Zealand Music Month!
Brooke Fraser: Something in the Water