Today I am intellectual.

Today I have been thinking about Zombies. Naturally.

This morning as I grabbed my bag and lunch I also grabbed a question from my inspiration jar – mostly because I thought it would be fun to have something intellectual to think over today. My question ended up being “Why would being a Zombie be awesome?”

I’m totally excited about this question, because I’m all about the underdog, and I think we can all agree that zombies are definitely the underdog. Nobody wants to hang out with them, nobody wants to grow up to be a zombie, and nobody secretly wishes they could be chosen for the zombie team when they’re playing basketball. In fact, with this recent craze over vampires and werewolves, no one’s even considering zombies anymore.

And that’s sad, because being a zombies would be Awesome. Mostly.

Reason number one why it would be awesome to be a zombie: Braaaiiiinnns.

Think about it. Right now you want so many things. You need a lot to be happy. You need three meals a day. Warm clothes. Shoes. You want a nice house, a new bed, a vintage coat. You want to be liked by the people around you. You want to be successful in you pursuits. You want free things. You want to get the day off work. Want, want, want.

Zombies do not have that problem. All they care about is brains. If they have brains they are happy. And they’re not even picky about the kind of brains. any brain will do it for them. Imagine being that easily pleased! Wouldn’t it be nice?!

Reason number two why it would be awesome to be a zombie: You are a social hit!

Remember those times at school, when you felt like you didn’t fit in with anyone? How you felt like you were the only one going through whatever it was that you were going through? Have you noticed that those feelings carry on through your older years? Like, sometimes do you find yourself at work feeling lonely, and like you don’t really fit in with the cool crowd that hangs out near the water-cooled?

Zombies don’t care too much about being a social outcast – mostly because they’re not! You spend your time roaming with your pack of bloodthirsty undead pals. You’re the it crowd. The happening crowd. You’re in the crowd going places. Slowly. While moaning, and staggering stiffly in the direction of live food.  

And if you lose your pack of crazed corpses? Well you just snack away at the outsiders, give it 2-5 hours, and once again, you’re surrounded by hip new friends.

Reason number three why it would be awesome to be a zombie: Freedom.

Your boss stops harassing you about your next quarterly review, your bank stops sending all those nasty ‘last notice’ letters, and debt collectors run at the sight of your decaying body: in other words? You’re a law unto yourself now. No one’s going to argue with the undead person. Deadlines are goneburger, and you are free to pursue your true passion in life: Brraaaaiiinnns.

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6 thoughts on “Today I am intellectual.

  1. Being a zombie’s all well and good, but it certainly slows you down when your legs and arms rot and fall off, and the local doctor merely says ‘Ughhhhhh’ to your plaintive calls for help. That’s assuming that he’s a zombie too of course. If he’s not he’s liable to stick a scalpel in your ear. No, I think this whole zombie thing is overrated.

  2. But zombies are persistent – like your arms and legs might fall off, but you’ll still be there dragging yourself across the ground in a single-minded pursuit for brrraaaaiiinnss… Now that’s commitment to the cause despite overwhelming odds!

  3. Just outta curiosity, have you guys gotten “The Walking Dead” on TV down there yet?

    I don’t know about you, but somehow I feel like I have a pretty good feel for being a zombie whenever I get home from a long day at work…

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