Hello 12.51 in the morning.
I can’t for the life of me remember quite what was so alluring about you several months back when I slept to noon every day, and read well into the early hours of the morning. Right now I’d rather be sleeping. Also? I remember it being quiet and peaceful when I was on my weird and wonderfully whacked-out sleeping cycle. Only it’s not. People are screaming on the street, and have been doing so for hours now. Cars are honking, and the traffic is so freaking loud on the motor-way by the house. I think the rugby was on, and there was a big concert on the waterfront.
Anyway. This whole ‘It’s the middle of the night’ thing is kind of worrying because I’m competing tomorrow. Not so much about the competing side of things, but the fact I have to be there at 7.00 to sign in, which means I have to wake up at 6.00 am. At the very latest.
I’m not at my best in the morning, but ho boy, tomorrow is going to be something truely spectacular mood-wise. It almost makes me wish I hadn’t pulled out of sparring, because I’m going to have some serious rage on-tap.
I’m nervous about patterns and sparring tomorrow. This is the first time I’ve competed since Oceanias last year, so I’m rusty. Also I’ve had a lot of nervous (anxious!) energy on my hands since Thursday, which is making it hard for me to relax.
I’m lying in bed, and I’m imaging every muscle in my body slowly relaxing. I start at my toes, feeling the tension then letting it go, and moving up, and up, until eventually I reach the top of my head. Only I’m still not asleep, and sometime in the last five minutes my toes have started wiggling again (which is what I do when I absolutely can’t stay still, but am not supposed to be moving – I do it a lot at TKD when I’m supposed to be waiting for permission to move, or relax.)
I keep thinking about my breaking, too. I finally got to practice some of my breaking stuff today, and finally managed to break my side-kick. I had the wrong foot. I do that embarrassingly often. Also I had the boards set up at the wrong height, and wasn’t hitting the right way. so now I keep visualising what it’s supposed to feel like for tomorrow and sure that’s productive, but wow, I could really use some sleep, brain.