Introducing: The Valedictorian of Teeth.

So the dentist actually went really well. I’m pretty sure my dentist slipped a certificate into my take-home folder, because I have the best teeth in the world. Pretty much.

First they stuck pointy things in my mouth and took x-rays… and that was fine. Except the nurse got to hide behind a wall and I had to sit there in front of the x-ray machine. It didn’t exactly make me feel safe.

Then I was abandoned in the surgery to entertain myself for a few minutes while the nurse and the dentist developed my xrays. I examined all the pointy instruments, looked at the fish (They had a total Finding Nemo dentist aquarium thing going on) and then watched a soap opera on the ceiling mounted TV (dentists sure have gone up in the world since my high-school orthodontics experience.)

Then the dentist and the nurse came in, and I had to explain that it had been 8 years since my last confession exam and that I was actually a little… Er… Tense… about the whole experience. Then I had to explain that I had braces for three years, and then my orthodontist cemented wires to the back od my teeth… And about three years ago some of those wires had come loose… So I took matters into my own hands… and pried them off with tools from my manicure set.

The nurse sat in horrified silence (I could tell she was horrified, because her eyes were HUGE over her face-mask) and the dentist nodded along absently making notes like he hears stories about home-remedy orthodontic work all the time. (Perhaps he does. I can’t be the only broke university student to have lost patience with the remainders of expensive orthodontics work.)

Anyway, next the Dentist and the nurse had a competition to see who could fit the most instruments into my mouth at one time (the Dentist won) and then they scraped, chipped, and drilled off the remaining cement from my teeth. It felt like he was cracking my teeth in half, and was honestly the scariest thing I’ve had done in a dental chair since that time they pulled teeth to make room in my jaw. Except they did that while I was all numbed out so the only thing I remember is the sound of rusty hinges in my jaw. This time I had the fun of feeling and hearing it happen.

And then after all that? There was some poking around with sharp things, and some cleaning, and then the Dentist said that despite not having any work done since high school, I have no cavities, and no work that needs to be done! That’s right. My teeth are in SHIP-SHAPE excellent condition. My teeth are the superheros of the tooth world. Their super power just happens to be awesomeness.

And then? Then he said – and I quote – “I’m glad to see someone who takes such good care of their teeth.” Oh yeah. That’s me. I’m awesome.

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4 thoughts on “Introducing: The Valedictorian of Teeth.

  1. I have teeth envy now. I’ve gone to the dentist every 6 months for my entire 35 years and they’re still always giving me trouble. Lucky girl!

  2. Wow. Just…wow.
    My dentist visits have gotten progressively scarier each time, and I go every 6 months!
    That line about cement on your teeth almost made me puke. Congrats.

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