Reason #20 why I think my gym might be f*cking with my head for entertainment purposes.

Today on Leaf Probably I would like to introduce you to resistance bands. Or as I like to call them: resistance bands.

 Resistance bands are stretchy rubber thingies that can be used to vastly increase the amount of swearing I do during your peaceful group-class workout. But that’s not all. Resistance bands also increase the probability that I will tangle myself up and face-plant into the smelly gym carpet by 110%! How entertaining! There’s nothing like seeing me eat carpet in a group training environment!

Let’s look at some of the exercises you can do with resistance bands. First there’s:

Wow! Doesn’t he look like he’s having fun?! Look at that vacant grin! Unfortunately when I tried this my hand slipped, and I bungy-shot myself in the shin with the rigid handle thing. But don’t let my experience put you off! I’m sure it’s more fun than it felt like!

Next up we have:

Boy. You know, I can’t remember the last time I tried this! Mostly because I unbalanced, fell backwards, whacked my head on the ground, resulting in concussion, and short-term memory blackouts

Also: WARNING – If you let go of those stupidly slick handles you’re going to ping yourself in the shins again, only THIS time, the elasticized rubber crap will spontaneously tie itself into a clover-hitch around your gym trainers. Good luck getting that undone.

Oh, and my personal favorite:

What in the hell is he doing?! That’s not even an exercise! Imagine what happens when the knot at the top comes undone, and the rubber bands whip the hard handle things at your shins at the speed of light? While you’re hanging there unable to defend yourself? Why in gods name is this an approved gym class?!

I’m pretty sure my gym is actually in the middle of some kind of elaborate prank on me. Every time I hit the ground, or tied myself into a knot while trying to replicate a jetplane on one leg with the elastic tied into a noose around the other while pulling upwards with one hand outwards with the other, and making a ‘Brrm’ noise while breathing through my nose I expected the trainers to jump out from behind the weights racks and yell “You’ve been punked!” Only they didn’t… Which leads me endlessly confused. Is this a prank, or is this not a prank?

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