Chocolate cereal, and the *C* word.

I finished my coco pops at work yesterday morning, and so replaced them with a box of bran and berries that have been languishing at the back of my cupboard at home. I opened them a few weeks ago, had one bowl, and then sealed them right up again… So I figured they’d be promising work cereal. At the very least they have a heart foundation tick (Which was sadly lacking from my chocolate milkshake only crunchy cereal.)

So I’m now sitting at my desk with a bowl of soggy cardboard corn flakes and raisins. It’s kind of disgusting. No wonder I didn’t eat the rest of the damn box when I brought the stupid things. Ick.

Gag.

I miss chocolate flavoured cereal.

Also! Guess what: I am listening to my very first audio book. True to form, it is a romance, and what would take me three hours to read, stretches out to FIFTEEN HOURS of audio. I’m not sure I have the patience for that kind of thing. And it’s an MP4, so my phone won’t play it. So basically I have to be at home near my laptop to ‘read’. On the plus side, I got ready for work this morning listening to the first half of chapter two. (And I’m two hours in. What. The. Hell.)

Another thing? It’s read by this woman with a slow drawly american accent – which is totally irritating. Can’t they have chosen someone with a snappy english accent? It’s so much easier on the ears. And we might have been able to cut it down to 10 hours. Also? Because this is a romance novel it has the C word in it… Like C word as in male… rooster, not female… vulgarity.

(I feel like I’m all of a sudden much more prudy than I’ve ever been before.) 

(This is because on occasion my parental units read this and I don’t want to have to subject them to the fact that I know what the C word is.)

(Also there’s pressure to appear way more judgy and prudy about sex when writing in a public forum.) (That your parents read.)

(Also? I don’t like the C word used in a female context. I know that some woman see using it as taking back power, but I don’t like the connotations it comes with, so I don’t use it.)

Wasn’t that a nice tangent… Anyway.

So this slow drawly american woman pops out the C word in chapter two and I nearly dropped my laptop in fright. I mean, it’s one thing to READ about sex off a page and have a giggle because it’s a romance novel… It’s another to listen to someone describe it. You can’t say the c word! Then it makes it like porn, not like a cotton candy romance novel! It’s kind of awful now. Especially because she sounds like a teacher I once had. Now I’m accidentally listening to a schoolteacher read PORN. It’s a pretty uncomfortable feeling.

In conclusion: Two chapters into my first Audio book, and it’s accidentally turned to porn. As a result, it’s absolutely RUINING everything I love about romance novels. (And it’s accidentally illustrating the quote ‘the medium is the message’ in Technicolor for me.) The whole point of romance novels is that they’re stupid, and funny and quick. I think I might just have to search out a paperback and find out if the live happily ever after the old fashioned way.

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7 thoughts on “Chocolate cereal, and the *C* word.

  1. This post cracked me up! Especially all your parenthetical statements. I don’t think I would like hearing the female C word read aloud, but the male one would for sure make me giggle. I think audio books are best on road trips. That way you can roll the window down and get some air when they start dropping the C word… 😉

  2. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, oh my God I’ve been laughing for about five minutes and I can’t stop. I can’t stand audio books, personally. And considering how awkward I get when I’m reading a book that has any sex scenes on public transport just in case someone sitting next to me happens to read over my shoulder, it’s probably for the best!

    And healthy cereal is always disgusting…

  3. haha How come English accents sound so much better than American accents? Everything sounds so loud, vulgar, and annoying in American accents. Ahhh well…tis the life I lead.
    I can’t stand audio books.

  4. I was all prepared to write a comment in support of the American accented (I’m American) use of the C (for rooster not for girl parts) word. I’m actually rather fond of the C (for rooster not for girl parts) word…. I’m actually rather fond of the C (for rooster not for girl parts), but that’s another matter…

    Then I read your last two paragraphs….

    Yeah, you’re right. There’s a world of difference between reading/writing the C (for rooster not for girl parts) word and actually saying the C (for rooster not for girl parts) word out loud. I think listening to your audiobook would probably be too crunchy for my taste as well.

    (Also, I hate the C(for girl parts) word entirely. I think it’s ugly and filled with hate and I can’t stand to even read that one, let alone hear it said. Just yuck!)

    You’re a very brave girl, allowing your parental units to even know of your blogs existence, let alone read it!

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