You could be forgiven for assuming I’ve dropped off the face of the earth. Actually the opposite is true. I’d call what I’m doing right now is clinging to it’s underside as it flings around at a million miles an hour. So in short? I’ve been busy.
I’m swapping rooms with Jasmyne this weekend. Hers is smaller, and darker, but it has a bigger wardrobe, and I’ll be able to save myself a little cash, which will be nice. I was a little unsure about making the shift – I mean I was the one who brought it up, but I didn’t really think it through… Do you ever have those moments? Where your mouth opens, and words come out and your brain sits back and says ‘really? we’re doing what now?!’
This was one of them. So we were sitting in the lounge one night and I offered to switch rooms. She thought about it for a few weeks and agreed, because, well, not to brag, but I have the nicest room in the house. It’s lovely.
I could have easily backed out of the deal, but I didn’t because to be honest I’m bored. I hate being bored. It was either swap rooms, or move out, and I love this flat, and I love the people in it, so swap rooms it was. Besides WARDROBE SPACE. I hated not having a proper sized wardrobe.
In other news, I’m still looking at cars, and am taking one for a test drive tomorrow night. (It’s blue flavour.) I’m also taking driving lessons. My instructor is nice, and his car is a dump. I’m booking my driving test tonight I think. I was going to wait, but I don’t see the point. I need my licence, and I need it ASAP. Work insists. they hired me on the condition that I’d get it, and I’m coming through, because not being able to drive the work cars sucks.
Also I don’t like the idea that they could be disappointed they chose me. I mean, it’s an exciting thing I’m working on, and there haven’t been any indications that I’m leaving them wanting… but all the same, it’s a fixed term contract, and I would like to be invited back. So? LICENCE!!
In other news, the other day I dragged out my old Graphic Design and photography portfolio the other day, because I was thinking about throwing it out… My flatties had a good long look at it, and then threatened to beat me over the head with large sticks if I did anything of the sort… In fact. Well they took it a step further, and becks sat me down and insisted that I submit my children’s book to a publisher. I think her exact words were “I don’t care if you don’t do it, because I’m going to do it for you anyway.”
So it looks like I’m submitting the children’s book that I wrote and illustrated a few years ago to a bunch of publishers this weekend! I’m also going to submit the calender that I designed and illustrated. Everyone seems to think it’s hilarious, and more to the point, I think it’s AWESOME.
I’m actually really excited about it. I’ve always wanted to do this, but the fear of failure always held me back. I mean, imagine how awful it would be to try something and have people know that you wanted it, but failed? I think this is what holds me back in a lot of things. It’s why I don’t have my full licence yet. It’s why I’m still procrastinating on my last year of university. It’s why I never even looked at jobs as a Graphic Designer.
I think this should be the year of feeling the fear, and doing it anyway.
I’ve already made a start by joining an intimidating new gym. I’ve also invested money in a drawing tablet for my computer, so that I can re-illustrate my book (naturally I did not keep my electronic files. That would have been far too easy.)
My tablet arrived this morning, in this huge box, and I totally did a half-run-walk through work so that I could get to my desk and rip it open… and it’s gorgeous!! And tax deductible! (Which I am currently learning a lot about. Hello small business!)
Someone told me something that I completely and utterly disagreed with over christmas… But I still managed to take something away from the conversation (despite being pretty damn angry, and argumentative at the time.) They said that I should get myself off medication as soon as possible. They informed me (with all the wisdom of a… well NOT a doctor. Or a mental health specialist) that I need to find other ways to manage depression without relying on medication. I still completely, and utterly disagree with the sentiment, because: I’M NOT READY. But there is one piece of truth in there that I wanted to make sure I considered properly – finding new ways to pull myself out of the ditch, and fill my life with richness.
I mean depression is what it is. Some days I will feel shit. Some days I will not even have enough energy to drag myself from my bed to the fridge and back. But there are things I can be doing to open myself up more. I can be challenging myself more. I can be putting myself in new situations. I can be trying new forms of exercise, I can be doing things I love, just for the sake of doing them, and putting them out into the universe… So wish me luck!