So I don’t want anyone to say that I’m a hypochondriac or anything… And I definitely don’t mean to alarm anyone (Ok. I do.) But I’m 99% certain that I’m turning into a zombie.
Naturally I wouldn’t make the claim if I couldn’t back it up so here’s my evidence:
1. I speak in grunts and groans now. Because words require brain power, and… uhhhhhhhh
2. My nose has been dripping like a tap since yesterday afternoon, and it could be any number of things, but lets all agree that it’s my youth and vitality. Dripping out of me one disgusting tissue-full at a time.
3. My neck is stiff, and so is my everything else. I walked to the chemist before, and at some point my legs stopped functioning, so I had to drag myself there on my hands and knees, using my forehead, because it was the only bit of my body that I could move without making a pitiful groaning sound.
4. I no longer hunger for real food. All I want is ginger beer and juice. And carbs. Also M&M’s, and as we all know, that’s just the first step in a long spiral towards bbbbbrrrrrrrraaaaaaaiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnsssss
5. I smell like the undead. Or at least I’m pretty sure I do, my nose isn’t exactly functioning right now, but I’ve been having sweaty hot and cold flushes all night, and I haven’t been awake enough to shower without falling asleep and accidentally drowning myself.
6. The chemist says I just have a cold, but we all know they lie in order to sell $32 packets of Cold medication.
In other news: $32.00?!!! WTF? It’s only four days worth. Who cares that It has the latest and greatest magical fairy dust for numbing my headache. It’s still not even really working. I don’t feel any better. AND she made me buy a nasal spray. Now there’s a sexy concept. No wonder I feel like I have the plague.
the only good thing to come out of this is that my hand-eye coordination is getting better. I manage to land my tissues on my tissue pile 90% of the time now. Mostly because the tissue pile covers roughly 30% of my new room. Oh my god are we using math? I must have a fever. This is how I know it’s the end.