Agent Steven Calling Mission Control

So I’m three days away from finishing up at the current job, and neck-deep in schedule re-writes. Not that I usually mind rewrites, it’s just that current manager has the scrawl of an 80 year old career doctor.

Four things this job has taught me:

1.   Skills in code breaking and encryption decoding (thanks to my managers mangled writing.)

2.   Much like hitchhikers guide to the galaxy, keep a mug on-hand at all times, because after 9am all mugs will have disappeared from the kitchen, and desperate people will be fighting to the death over cereal bowls to make coffee in.

3.   Engineers talk with their hands. Maintain a safety perimeter around them during meetings.

4.   Meeting rooms are impossible to find. Like Survivor, be prepared to out-last, out-wit, and out-bitch in order to keep your bookings.

My new job starts Tuesday, and I’m kind of shitting myself over it. For someone who fears change, my predisposition towards leaping blindly into contracts is kind of unusual. Also: stressful. These guys are paying me a lot of money, so it stands to reason they’re expecting something pretty spectacular. Like, Project Coordination with a side of fireworks, and one-armed juggling or something. I’m kind of hoping that I live up to the hype, because if I don’t, being a contractor, they can shoo me out the front door minus a security pass MUCH easier than an employee.

So that’s nerve-wracking.

On the more exciting side of life, I got free tickets to Leaps and Sounds – with is an NZ Symphony Orchestra, and Royal NZ Ballet collaboration. Wo! Jasmyne and I are going to go along and be posh. I may break out the tiara (is 4pm too early for a tiara? I can never tell.)

Also? as of yesterday, I’m all signed up to be a Civil Defence Volenteer for the next two years. I start my training next Wednesday – we get to learn stuff like operating radios and running civil defence shelters, and maybe even rappelling down high-rise buildings with search and rescue teams. The dude who interviewed me was all “Yeah, it’s not all about playing Rambo” and then he said some other stuff that I wasn’t listening to, because I was busy imagining myself dressed as Rambo, saving trapped office workers.

He also tells me that he calls his volunteers Agents of Preparedness – Which is a corny name, until you imagine having a flack jacket, and a badge, and making people call you Agent Steven. Then it’s cool.

(Note: at no point did he mention that I’d be issued with a badge or a flack jacket, but I’m fairly certain that was just an oversight on his part.)

(There’s probably an AOP hat and teeshirt too.)


4 thoughts on “Agent Steven Calling Mission Control

  1. Never too early for a Tiara!!! Also very valuable lessons regarding the workplace! I have this image of you racing through a labyrinth to find your meeting room, dodging flailing arms of engineers down the path.

    And you ARE awesome, so you already live up to the hype 🙂

  2. Wow … you are out there living life out of the usual box! I wish there was some Civil defense volunteer project here in the USA deep south for me to join! I also keep waiting for some stimulating job to throw itself at me. But, that doesn’t happen … does it? I didn’t think so.

  3. Ha! My dad was talking about how he used to work with engineers and I asked him “Did they use a lot of hand gestures?” and he looked started and laughed “YES!” So I told him about this post and I thought he would pee himself laughing 🙂

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