Invasion 2012

So. I totally am 99% sure that I work with a dude that was a Detective on one of those CSI/ NCIS/ type shows. I can’t find any photos, and I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to sneak up and take a photo of him to post on the internet, so you’re going to have to take my word on it.

He’s like a compact/ shortish Mexican dude, with a moustache and soul patch, and salt and pepper hair… Is it driving you crazy that I can’t remember his name? Because it’s definitely driving me crazy.

Ugh. Yet another reason I should get the internet at home – so that I can stalk perfectly nice strangers who look a little bit like someone B-List famous.

So I had a good weekend, except for the bit where I got out of bed at dawn to tend to the mental cat’s need to screw with my sleep in. I put on my fluffy purple robe, let the cat out, fed him, and then sat on the couch, absently brushing my hand down across my robe when I feel something malevolent and cold.

Yeah. A massive black hairy spider. ON ME. Cue massive panic, and the fastest strip tease in front of an open sliding door you’ll see in… like… EVER. So then I was standing there naked punching the crap out of my favorite fluffy robe, and nearly crying, because dudes and dudettes? That was my favorite robe. And now I can never wear it again, because it has large hairy spider guts on it.

It wasn’t even the usual kind, with the long legs, and the weird spindly way of walking, it was far and evil looking. I can almost deal with the big skinny brown ones, because they have these sort of cute curly mouth things, and they look like they’re tripping over their own legs when they walk, but the black spider? That was  freaking scary. Ack.

Please excuse me, I need to go check my hair for spiders. Is anyone else feeling crawling things on their backs? No? Just me?

Ok. I’m good.

So after the freak out, I go back to bed (after inspecting my room, shaking out the blankets and yelling at the cat for once again not doing his duty as resident hunter.) and ten minutes later the landlords show up to work sheep in the run outside my cottage.  Thank god it wasn’t any earlier.


Oh! I found him! I totally work with Detective Ray Curtis from law and Order. Or his twin brother. Or his cousin twice removed. I’m totally getting an autograph.



6 thoughts on “Invasion 2012

  1. THAT IS HIDEOUS. But kind of a fun post to read all the same …

    Here it’s ticks. After a short bike ride with granddaughter, wife and son-in-law we went out for lunch. Whilst innocently eating my eggplant sub, I had to visit the men’s room not once, but TWICE to remove pants and ticks crawling up my left leg.

    Flushed them bastards down the urinal. FORTHWITH.

  2. You are SO! BRAVE! I am totally amazed at your Spider Killer abilities! I bet after 3-4 washings with some nice smelling laundry detergent, you’ll wash away the spider juju. But I totally understand. I killed a spider the other day and I’m convinced it’s lurking in the trash can, planning its zombie spider revenge. I can’t imagine if I had a hairy creeper just chilling out on me. BLAAH! SO BRAVE!!!

  3. Probably do what I do and name them Andrew, at least if they are in your shed or your home etc. Another thing you could try is spend a whole load of time around a place where they are kept in tanks, watch them and try to psyche up the courage to handle them. It was a major breakthrough for me when I managed to hold a Giant Tarantula even though I was terrified of spiders in general. I reckon I could still do this now, but would actually struggle with ‘smaller’ ones funnily enough (too much like house spiders). I reckon if you spend enough time around any creature or thing you are scared of you will begin to become desensitized to those creatures or things. The reason for this (in my opinion) is that it is all but impossible to maintain a constant level of panic and fear if constantly around the source of that fear.

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