I’ve been thinking about diets ever since I started one that is all about not eating carbs. I call it the Not-Carbs diet.
Before last week my diet was eating all the carbs, so it’s quite a big difference now. Mostly because: food that is Not-Carbs is expensive. And? Cooking Not-Carbs is quite boring. And eating Not-Carbs is… well devoid of Carbs. I’m not sure if you know this – I didn’t – but everything in the world that is tasty is Carbs. Also, everything that I used to bake on weekends is Carbs too. Not-Carbs baking uses things like protein powder, and psyllium husk to pretend to be Carbs. It doesn’t do a very good job at pretending in my books, but unfortunately life is apparently about pretending that pancakes made of powder and husks are just as tasty as the ones with flour and sugar.
So in commemoration of a whole nine days of the Not Carbs diet, and the whole three kgs I have managed to lose, mostly through tears, I have drawn up five things that you are not allowed to do on the Not-Carbs diet.
On the Not-Carbs diet, you are not allowed to eat fries.
You are also not allowed to eat chocolate.
Or appreciate wine.
Or wave your hands in the air when driving down parking building ramps at speed.
Or secretly drink awful terrible delicious addictive starbucks hot chocolate. Chocolate protein powder isn’t a very good substitute for hot chocolate, mostly because it gets weird when you heat it up, and its missing the crack, and the sugar that makes my Grande Trim No Whip Hot Chocolate with Cinnamon DELICIOUS.