So I was thinking late last night, as I enacted a roleplaying scene, in which I was a civil defence volunteer writing and radioing in a situation report on the damage following an imaginary disaster*, while simultaneously emailing my Project Manager on my work phone, wondering if I’d fed the cat that morning as I ran for the door avoiding piles of laundry, and texing a friend who really really wanted to meet up for a coffee this week…
… What I was thinking was that perhaps the decision to go to the civil defence thing was a bit stupid…
Or at the very leat, naively optimistic.
At the time I, when I signed up, I was thinking that I need to make myself a priority, and part of that is doing things that are important to me, and not letting work take over my life. Actually, though, making myself a priority is more about saying NO so that I can perhaps arrive home before 10pm most week nights, not about shoehorning more personal crap in so that I can say that my entire week wasn’t just about work. (Or in the words of Life-Coach Yoda: “More crap does not a balanced life make.”)
Until I actually had to go do the two hour exercise, I genuinely thought I had time to do it. One I’d arrived, however the reality of two hours spent crouched outside a building trying to read information by torch hit home, and I realised very quickly that I did not have time for it. Yes, technically there was a space in my calendar, but actually, that space could have been used more productively.
Like for getting my shit in order for the next two days of work project chaos. (Little baggies of snack-sized rescue remedy infused cookies anyone?)
In other news, I now have a work phone. So I get the enviable job of carrying two phones at all times. (I feel so technological.) As a result, however, I am now available to colleagues 24×7. (Balance? What balance!)
Anyway, so the major theme in my life right now is being busy, but still agreeing to pile the pressure on myself. For some reason I’m incapable of objectively looking at my load and saying “You know what? That’s all I can carry right now.”
Does anyone else have that problem? I’m sure it’s not just me.
Anyway, While you ponder that, I’m going to go sign up for my first TKD competition in more than a year, because I’m absolutely positive I can fit this one in, and it won’t be stressful at all…
*You through this was going in a very different direction, didn’t you? Sexy roleplaying direction, to be precise. Unfortunately it was only sexy in the sense that the guy I was paired with sounded 30 years younger via radio, and wore tan loafers.