I learnt a new thing last night while I was driving to the laundromat. The new thing made me swear loud enough to stop a man and his kid in their tracks on the sidewalk beside me. I think they thought I’d rear-ended another car or something.
My car and I have had a rough couple of months. First the car needed expensive things fixed on it right at christmas, essentially scuttling my cool but mildly expensive new years plans. Then it started sounding like I’d chosen to fit a loud bore exhaust on it. I’m going to be very clear here and state that it wasn’t because I thought turning my 1999 Holden Barina into a nana boy racer was an excellent idea. Instead it was because of a fist-sized hole in the bloody exhaust.
Hands up everyone who’s ever had the pleasure of fainting in a mechanics office over the price of repairs. Just me?
I put off fixing it because: Holy crap I could not afford that. Also because when I could afford it, I was (and potentially am still) going through one of my depressive periods, and feeling a little like my world was falling in on me.* Here’s a secret: Sometimes, when I’m feeling overwhelmed EVERYTHING is too hard. Even things that would actually be easier if I just fixed them.
When I finally got my shit together and called to book, my usual mechanic had disappeared and the new guy was rude. Which resulted in me putting it off another month, and finding a new mechanic. I can’t (and don’t) stand rudeness – and sometimes that has the potential to get me in trouble, but it’s one of the rules I live by.
So my car went something like four months sounding loud enough to be a commercial airplane, and when I finally got it fixed my new mechanic was all “Um, so you’re going to have to replace your rear muffler in another 6-8 months. Usually I’d say to bring it in when it starts to sound loud, but as you don’t seem to have picked up that last hole by the fact that it was so loud you set off car alarms, I’m just going to get you to write it down, and bring it in.”
Come to think of it, while this mechanic is more polite, he does toe the sarcasm line. Fortunately I have no rules about sarcasm.
I think new mechanic thinks I’m an idiot. I should probably call him and explain that I knew about the hole in the exhaust, but that I didn’t get it fixed because the universe was annoying me, and I can be stubborn about that sometimes…
So cut to last night and I was having a bit of a bitch session about the gherkin in my head and wondering if I should sell it – I mean the car doesn’t even have functional air-con. Yes there’s a dial with a snowflake on it implying cooling ability, however on really hot days it does nothing but blow hot air at you, turning the dial gives you the ability to pick just how uncomfortably hot you’d like to be.
A fact that was drilled into me on Christmas Eve, when I was stuck in my car for six hours in god-awful traffic jams in heat that made me think I was going to die of heat exhaustion.
Long story short I was sitting there staring at this knob last night thinking “there’s no way that could be a pull thing… Is there?” Then lo and behold this happened:
Ladies and gentlemen? As I yelled at the guy and his kid last night: “I’m a F*cking Idiot.”